Your complete guide to surviving the zombie apocalypse
with the Centers for Disease Control and World Health Organization pretty darn preoccupied with Ebola these days, you might be tempted to anxiously imagine than an infamous zombie virus might, just might, slip through the cracks and devastate the World As We Know It.
Are you prepared? In honor of the premiere of season five of AMC’s The Walking Dead, we’ve created a handy zombie apocalypse survival guide. By following these five simple steps, you can dramatically increase your chances of coming through the upcoming drama — if not unscathed — then at least uneaten, and perhaps even with your dignity intact.
1. Choose your weapon
Everyone knows the only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain. But not everyone shares the same preferred method for accomplishing this important task. Do you have good eyesight and steady hands? Then a firearm or crossbow might be a good choice for you. Most of us would prefer to dispatch with zombies at a distance.
However, should you be taken by a surprise close encounter with a hidden zombie, it may be hard to fire a shot. You should always be prepared to use the butt of your gun to smash the cranium of your unwanted undead … and to cope with the resulting mess. Zombie shooters must also remember that you will eventually run out of ammunition and need to take a risky run into an abandoned sporting goods store or police station to restock. And those places are inevitably always crawling with zombies.
Other zombie slayers prefer more hands-on methods of zombie extermination, such as broadswords, knives, and katana. These weapons are certainly quieter — zombies are attracted to noise — and offer a higher degree of personal satisfaction during the act. Takethat, biter!
But because these stabbing weapons require a great deal of skill and training — and one mistake in a close encounter with a zombie will cost you dearly — you should begin (safely and carefully!) practicing now. This kind of close-combat training has the additional benefit of imparting discipline and physical strength, which are extremely desirable qualities during the zombie apocalypse. Every band of zombie survivors should include at least one person who is handy with a blade.